:: the irony of privacy ::

parallellism.

“don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.”

she can’t even tell him how much he hurts him. Why? Because she’s gonna get more mad if he tries to explains and prove her that hes right, as always. Or.. she’s gonna be more mad if he do things to fix it, not knowing that he would only try to aggravate the situation. She hates her. She wants to scream out loud and cry. She’s jealous. She hates him coz she thinks he totally forgot her that moment he did that, that he didn’t even consider what she’ll feel. He doesn’t want her to that to him but he’s doing the very exact thing that he’s gonna hate if she does it. He keeps telling her how much he loves him, but this? it erases the feeling he’s trying to convey to her in his very convincing words. She knows it might be a little bit over, but no, its not. It may just be a simple thing, but not for this. What if she does the same thing? Having something sweet together with somebody from her past?

Its too late to do something about it. He already hurt her. And there’s nothing to erase that from her.

So hurt, she wonders if she could still bear it. She hates her self for feeling this but she cant help it. Yeah, so hurtful it is, the only way she could think of to get rid of the pain is to say goodbye and forget him.

but she knows she cant… she just f*@%ing cant. :’(

the exact verb to describe how i currently feel. so sad, but true.

Earlier this evening, I was at a university to visit someone. It was the time when I’m about to go home when in an instant, I suddenly saw myself sitting inside a tree house in one of those trees in the dark near the Oblation. It was one of the tallest trees there where I could clearly see the surrounding vicinity clearly. In my hand I had this something, sort of a device. A gun that has a built in special binocular, capable of zooming in up to 1000 kilometers and even passes through walls that lets you see even the smallest detail in a locked room. It will even give you the coordinates and the number of possible casualty it will create when you look into it. The gun’s bullet is just about the size of regular needle, with a small but hard balloon like on its tip. If it hits a person, he would feel like he’s just bitten by an ant for a couple of seconds, but on the 3rd second, the rounded tip of the needle bullet will explode into a half a kilometer radius, just like a nuclear bomb. 

So I aimed my super hi-tech gun in a place where the bad guys dwell. They won’t even know where will the explosion come from coz I’m like 80-82 kilometers away from them, In the middle of a little man made forest inside the university where I secretly created my tree house. And also, my gun has this diversion scheme where it will go around in random circles before hitting the aim to create confusion for the point of origin. That’s how advanced my gun is. 

3,2,1.. I pulled the trigger. In .000001 nanosecond, it hit the 3 targets (oh did i mention that my gun can do multiple firing, depends on how you program it). three.. two.. ONE!

BOOOOOOOOOOM!

“shit! i dont have a jack!”, said the driver.

The tire of the jeepney I was riding got flat and exploded. That’s why I woke up from my cool sci-fi dream. 

I wonder if they really died.

LOL

Have you ever met

a man of good character
where women are concerned?

Yes, very frequently.

Well, I haven’t.
I find the moment that a woman
makes friends with me,

she becomes jealous, exacting,
suspicious and a damn nuisance.

And I find the moment that
I make friends with a woman,
I become selfish and tyrannical.

So here I am,
a confirmed old bachelor
and likely to remain so.

Well, after all, Pickering,

I’m an ordinary man
who desires nothing more

Than just an ordinary chance
to live exactly as he likes

And do precisely
what he wants

An average man am I
of no eccentric whim

Who likes to live his life
free of strife

Doing whatever he thinks
is best for him

Well, just an, an ordinary man

But let a woman in your life

And your serenity is through

She’ll redecorate your home
from the cellar to the dome

Then go on to the enthralling
fun of overhauling you

Let a woman in your life

And you’re up against a wall

Make a plan and you will find
she has something else in mind

And so rather than do either
you do something else
that neither likes at all

You want to talk
of Keats or Milton

She only wants to talk
of love

You go to see a play or ballet

And spend it
searching for her glove

Let a woman in your life

And you invite eternal strife

Let them buy
their wedding bands

For those anxious
little hands

I’d be equally as willing
for a dentist to be drilling

Than to ever let
a woman in my life

I’m a very gentle man

Even tempered and good-natured
whom you never hear complain

Who has the milk
of human kindness
by the quart in every vein

A patient man am I
down to my fingertips

The sort who never could
ever would

Let an insulting remark
escape his lips

A very gentle man

But let a woman in your life

And patience hasn’t got
a chance

She will beg you for advice
Your reply will be concise

And she’ll listen very nicely
then go out and do precisely
what she wants

You are a man
of grace and polish

Who never spoke above a hush

Now all at once
you’re using language

That would make a sailor blush

Let a woman in your life

And you’re plunging in a knife

Let the others of my sex

Tie the knot
around their necks

I prefer a new edition
of the Spanish Inquisition

Than to ever let a woman
in my life

I’m a quiet-living man

Who prefers
to spend the evenings
in the silence of his room

Who likes
an atmosphere as restful
as an undiscovered tomb

A pensive man am I
of philosophic joys

Who likes to meditate
contemplate

Free from humanity’s
mad, inhuman noise

A quiet-living man

But let a woman
in your life

And your sabbatical
is through

In a line that never ends
come an army of her friends

Come to jabber and to chatter
and to tell her what the matter
is with you

She’ll have a booming
boisterous family

Who will descend on you
en masse

She’ll have a large
Wagnerian mother

With a voice
that shatters glass

Let a woman in your life

Let a woman in your life

I shall never let

A woman in my life.

*Excerpts from Audrey Hepburn's My Fair Lady

* * *
haha! tsk tsk, guys.ü

She can feel it in her nerves and it makes her wanna tremble.  She couldn’t stand the view nor the thought of it. Screaming out loud won’t help her this time.

“There has to be something else”, she said.

She grabbed her car keys and drove away from where she is, hoping that every mile she consumes would take her further away from the aggravated anguish she could no longer take.

one mile.. two miles.. five.. eleven.. nineteen..

No, still nothing.

Finally, she saw this place, attracting her as if saying hush now, i’ll give you peace.

About to be convinced, she gradually inclined to the left side of the road, coming closer to that place she couldn’t repulse, when suddenly, out of no where, an incautious speeding SUV smashed her helpless two-door car.

After catching a glimpes of her own bloodshed, everything went black. Then white.

The only thing she could hear is a screaming siren from a fire truck overriding the sound of her sobbing.

riing! riiiiing! riiiing!… honk! hoonk!

The alarm is screaming at 5:30 am. The cab is already outside and she’s late for her flight. Crap.

I know i’m most of the time lazy to write a blog. But aside from that, what refrains me from writing here is my character of keeping things to myself. Im afraid I might say too much. And that is not an excuse for being lazy. I have a tendency in writing how I feel at the moment, and if one does, they say, it’s like laying all your cards down that may attract negative forces to read your mind and use it against you. Well, screw you!

However, that does not remove the fact that I still have to deal with my own issues, which I’ll be talking about vaguely in here. Okay, STOP.

Anyhoo, I have a new and awesome bestfriend, which I will baptize with the name Pinkey. Remember my previous threat about killing that old sluggish chip? well he’s dead already. Thankfully, Pinkey killed her for me. Now she’s making life easier for me and we’re starting to rub elbows  by this time. She makes me fond of video blogging, which I realized is the best way to retaliate to my lazyness in blog writing.  

There are more things to come, i know. Whether its good or bad, who knows? We’ll see.

Winks for now. gotta sleep

Its been a month now since i last wrote here and definitely a lot of catching up to do. well in a nutshell, there’s been some big happenings that happened in this 1st quarter alone. For a recap, I lost my job, got a new one immediately, went on trekking (and totally loved it!), met some friends, modified some perspective and still trying to iron some, learned new things at work and got a new thing to get busy about aside from work. oh, and did i mention I already have a new notebook?ü yep, and mind you, its pink

Though i still have those old insecurities and same wishful thinking on some matters, somehow I can say I’m finally having a step forward, yet unfortunately, backwards to some. BUT, I don’t have plans on halting the grow-up process.

I sooo want to get better in writing, thats why i have to read and watch a lot, and painstakingly, write a lot too. If, by any chance, a computer-chip-to-your-mind-and-learn-it-all-in-an-instant technology would hit the market, I’d probably work hard to earn for that. With my forgetful mind, how i wish i have a built in dictionary, thesaurus, grammar and road map in my mind.

The reason I’m writing now is because im waiting this movie to finish downloading and my head is screwing up at the moment that’s why i prefer to write than to pursue my original plan to read and educate myself about wireless technologies in prep for tomorrows discussion.

Now this is the part where i lose appetite in writing again and where my head starts to piss me off again. till then.ü

i’m planning to start over. perhaps. maybe.

Just when everything gets firing up my mind and the moment i get everything i needed to write a decent journal, here comes an all-time favorite hindrance that’s too kind to make me pursue any writing: a non-attractive-all-the-more-unappealing-sluggish computer. In some thoughts, it kind of a blessing. It keeps me from revealing my thoughts which becomes a favor to me in the long run.

with all due respect to sentimental value, someday i will get rid of you. you’ll see