:: the irony of privacy ::

Do I want to escape? Do I have the right to just walk away? I wonder if the purpose will be served if i leave. Im not sure. These thoughts are implying cowardness, I know.

I need guidance. We all do.

I’ve been receiving some good stuff lately, things I  can’t even imagine to have. Yes, I’m so thankful and there’s no arguement to that. However, I have this guilty feeling that for some reasons I cant completely explain.

Reasons?

1. I don’t think I deserve to have them.

2. The guilt comes from my incapability of providing the needs of my family when someone provides me what I need (and more than what I need)

3. The person who give me those is in big trouble. Well thats only what I think. But I really hope Im wrong.

..Something’s been bothering me lately and I can’t exactly explain why. I just cant tell him.

Dear Bloodyblog,

There’s one thing you should know about me. you may think that im too bitter because all you can hear are my rants and rage. one, you should know that most of the time, i only get inspired to write if im mad or extremely sad. the only time i write nice things with my joyful emotion is if im not busy and in tremendous mood, otherwise, you’ll never know (unless you’re spying on me, which i know your lifeless body cant).

So there, just for clarifs.

Now im getting sleepy, but to give you a gist, i manage to accomplish some of my “to do” list today. Emotion wise, i’d like to describe it as a poker face. neither on the edge or in the middle.

As for tomorrow, even though today’s atmosphere is not quite good for me, id rather stay stucked to today than face tomorrow’s day at work. sigh.

P.S.

I was with two someone special today. Happy and ______.

Ciao.

Get ready coz im going to take it out on you.

Im in a middle of rushing something – which Im thankful for that night coz my prayers were answered by giving me something to be busy about so I wont think too much about him – when he called me with his super anti-emotional, cold blooded, i-dont-have-much-time-for-you mood.

I just hate that feeling of being ‘tablado’ outright as if all my pure concerns are just a waste of time for him.

So technical. so logical. almost a robot.

Now im pissed and I cant even do what Im suppose to do.

BUT I HAVE TO OVERCOME THIS AND I HAVE TO GROW UP.

So please bear with me coz you’re the only one I know who won’t fight back, answer back and give me that consolation that even for this time that Im mad, Im the one who’s right 

* * * * * * * * *

this part was written some 12 hours after the incident and after the write up you see above..

…just got home from work. i went online, sitting pretty (but tired) and stress free (script is finish, weehoo). i read this blog above and thought that it wont be complete if it dont tell you what happened next.

Well as you can see, the girl above is kinda furious. she texted him, went straight forward telling him he distracted her and ruined her mood to finish her script. She bursted out and pour her heart out in a text message. She even told him not to call her (though in her mind, she’d get pissed if he really did) and for the secnd time told him how she hates her.

then the guy replied ‘i love you’

guess what happened next with her anger?

I have so many things to be grateful for. Though there are very few people with unappealing attitude that surrounds me, Im totally enthralled with those countless people who has been good to me. Honestly, I know they’re not lucky to have me and I don’t deny it, which makes me wonder why on earth I have them. Equality and karma doesnt seem to apply with this equation coz I know Ive been receiving good things more than what Im giving. Its not that I dont want to, I just sometimes dont have the chance to return it back to them, considering my resources and my shortcomings, sad to say.

good day

Yes. I have to find a way to be delighted in sports. basta. but you know, Im happy im able to do my script kahit wala akong hilig sa sports.

Im so excited for the weekend. sana lang i have enough money

Its 11:38. ill be sleeping 30 minutes earlier than yesterday, but still, puyat pa rin, woohoo.

I miss those fulfilling yet sleepless days.

I hope it wont rain hard tomorrow.  eeew.

He’s coming back this friday God willing. Im so excited. excited as if makikita ko sya, hindi naman..hehe.

Goodnight bloody blog.

hello bloody little bloggy. haven’t visited you for quite some time. did you miss me? i hope you did.

It’s Labor’s day today, an official holiday here. Luckily, no work today just like the rest of the normal employees. With all the rollbacks and flooding available employment these days, I think it is but fair to have a three days off and have a wage for 5 days. In that order i would have more time to spend with Cotton at home (BTW, Cotton is my new Mac. you haven’t been introduced yet have you?).

I had fun spending the night in Tagaytay yesterday, I wish i was able to stay longer. Im getting obsessed with my new phone. My favorite apps now? the audio bible, dictionary and voice notes. that reminded me that i have to stuff it with some podcasts and videos.

Im trying to learn and learn more adjectives and variety of sentence constructions by reading a lot of books and dictionary, trying to flourish my vocabulary but time and time again, my memory always find a way of being triumphant in betraying me. Ive got to find a way in locking them in my brain.

I find the guy i like so purehearted. Though I can see his weak points, it doesn’t turn me off at all. Im just thankful that he likes me back.

Tomorrow’s another day at work. I have to make the most out of this day coz I know i’ll spend the whole day tomorrow day dreaming and wishing I’m somewhere i couldn’t be at. Ive been hitting the targets more than the tenured employees do which makes me a bit lazy in pursuing this kind of job which all the more gives me the right have one more day off. And of course that is me boasting.

I need some fantastic and fresh ideas. I need to brainstorm for something which will be the reason for me to end this.

Yours,

no i’m not :p