never say never.ü
Have you ever met
a man of good character
where women are concerned?
Yes, very frequently.
Well, I haven’t.
I find the moment that a woman
makes friends with me,
she becomes jealous, exacting,
suspicious and a damn nuisance.
And I find the moment that
I make friends with a woman,
I become selfish and tyrannical.
So here I am,
a confirmed old bachelor
and likely to remain so.
Well, after all, Pickering,
I’m an ordinary man
who desires nothing more
Than just an ordinary chance
to live exactly as he likes
And do precisely
what he wants
An average man am I
of no eccentric whim
Who likes to live his life
free of strife
Doing whatever he thinks
is best for him
Well, just an, an ordinary man
But let a woman in your life
And your serenity is through
She’ll redecorate your home
from the cellar to the dome
Then go on to the enthralling
fun of overhauling you
Let a woman in your life
And you’re up against a wall
Make a plan and you will find
she has something else in mind
And so rather than do either
you do something else
that neither likes at all
You want to talk
of Keats or Milton
She only wants to talk
of love
You go to see a play or ballet
And spend it
searching for her glove
Let a woman in your life
And you invite eternal strife
Let them buy
their wedding bands
For those anxious
little hands
I’d be equally as willing
for a dentist to be drilling
Than to ever let
a woman in my life
I’m a very gentle man
Even tempered and good-natured
whom you never hear complain
Who has the milk
of human kindness
by the quart in every vein
A patient man am I
down to my fingertips
The sort who never could
ever would
Let an insulting remark
escape his lips
A very gentle man
But let a woman in your life
And patience hasn’t got
a chance
She will beg you for advice
Your reply will be concise
And she’ll listen very nicely
then go out and do precisely
what she wants
You are a man
of grace and polish
Who never spoke above a hush
Now all at once
you’re using language
That would make a sailor blush
Let a woman in your life
And you’re plunging in a knife
Let the others of my sex
Tie the knot
around their necks
I prefer a new edition
of the Spanish Inquisition
Than to ever let a woman
in my life
I’m a quiet-living man
Who prefers
to spend the evenings
in the silence of his room
Who likes
an atmosphere as restful
as an undiscovered tomb
A pensive man am I
of philosophic joys
Who likes to meditate
contemplate
Free from humanity’s
mad, inhuman noise
A quiet-living man
But let a woman
in your life
And your sabbatical
is through
In a line that never ends
come an army of her friends
Come to jabber and to chatter
and to tell her what the matter
is with you
She’ll have a booming
boisterous family
Who will descend on you
en masse
She’ll have a large
Wagnerian mother
With a voice
that shatters glass
Let a woman in your life
Let a woman in your life
I shall never let
A woman in my life.
*Excerpts from Audrey Hepburn's My Fair Lady * * * haha! tsk tsk, guys.ü
