:: the irony of privacy ::

One of my best and handful happiness is my sister. All the while I have been preparing myself with some what-ifs: what if mom or dad dies? what if the man I love leaves for good? what if i lose my job? All uncertain but possible what ifs. Yet, never did it occur to me, what if my sister dies first?

The thought suddenly came to pass when I was alone this afternoon in our house. Dad’s in the church and mom’s at the hospital with my sick sister. She’s been sick for almost a week now. Her platelet count seems to have a see-saw ride at the park, leaving her ill and unable to attend her exams. I had to cook for my own lunch, making my appetite harder to please. As I was preparing my viand and contemplating why her condition acts that way when it seems to look normal on the outside, that’s when that hedious thought bugged me, “pano nga kaya kung mamatay si bunso?” My first reaction? “Wag naman po sana..” then after a sudden change of heart I thought, that if its His will and His way of saving her, then so be it.

Although I know its going to be extremely sad if it happens, I know I don’t have to worry, come what may. Thanks be to God.

A kid asked his pregnant mom:

“ano yang nasa tyan mo mommy?”

the mom answered, smiling:

“kapatid mo.”

the kid asked,

“lab mo ba sya?”

mom said,

“oo naman anak”

kid:

“e adik ka pala e, bat mo kinaen?!”

hahaha!

As always, i’ll do this in random, and i’ll try to make it with just one sentence, two’s top..

..i didn’t go to work last night for overtime, although i really need money, i thought my body needs to rest.

..we wen’t out for dinner last night at Aristocrat. The best part of that? my sister’s with us.

..one of my cousin was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer, and he’s just 28 years old

..another splendid thanksgiving, good thing? I’m starting to take down notes again. A good thing I’ve started from the past that I’m trying to revive.

..It’s nice being with someone to inspire you in doing good, nothing beats that.

..everybody has issues, and that doesn’t exclude my family. least we can do? learn from it.

..I was suppose to send somebody an email, suddenly, Gmail asked: “what’s your greatest fear?”, its because i forgot my password. I’m very certain what the answer was but Gmail said my answer was incorrect. crap.

..I’ll take my leave someday this week. What’s ironic is that I’m pressured for that day.

..I’ve watched Enchanted 4 times already.

..I wish I had Charice’s voice (and the money she’s being paid for). Her recent youtube video with Celine Dion gave me goosebumps.

..i wish i could give my loved ones the things they need. Mine isn’t a priority as of now.

..speaking of wishes, there’s a revised version of My Wishlist.

..I’m done with sewing today. finally.

..My diet is changing recently and unforcibly. ü

* * * * *

today’s lesson: share to others the good things you’ve learned.

..Starting today I’m gonna write my ‘today’s lesson’ in every journal I’ll be writing.

..It’s been 2 weeks straight that I’ve been going to work, technically no days off.  I almost broke it last night because I was so tired in driving from Cavite to Las Pinas and then to QC, yet, I manage to go to work. There’s something more to me than merely going to work. I’m happy that I did.

..I found a book that caught my interest which I’ve started reading last night until I fell asleep.

..Last Saturday’s TG was a blast. It made me happy that even before it was discussed to us, I was somehow doing it already, a pact I made to myself, and I’m so thankful

..Something’s starting to feel right. Just what I’ve thought, it can only get better.ü

..I admit that I’m a hopeless romantic. The only cartoons that’s very much appealing to me are Disney cartoons, and most of them are fairy tales. The rest, I would say, are too childish.. which makes me bias.ü

Lesson: It pays to stick with your decision.

Someone told me na maligalig daw ako.  Naririnig ko na yun noon pero not until sa akin sinabi yun, tsaka ko lang naisip, ano nga bang ibig sabihin nun? Yun pala yun.  Naisip ko, hindi lahat ugali mo malalaman mo upon you discovering it. Kaya nga No man is an island kasi mayroon talagang ibang bagay na ibang tao ang makakakita at hindi ikaw. Something that needs to be seen from an out of the picture perspective.

At syempre napaisip ako, pero hindi ko na sasabihin kung ano yun kase ang totoo nito wala naman talaga akong kausap dito dahil wala namang nakakabasa dito kundi ako and my better half. (Sino yung better half? ako din yun! ching! ) Gusto ko lang isulat ung mga bagay na naiisip ko, with limits.

I feel sorry for whoever has this Pancreatic Cancer. Pinagresearch ako ni mama tungkol dun just now, so todo research naman ako. Sabi nya sa friend daw nya, pero di ako naniwala. Nung nalaman ko na fatal na ito upon diagnosis biglang gusto kong maniwala na sana nga kaibigan lang nya yun at hindi isa sa kanila ni papa o tito ko na mukhang interesadong interesado din habang ineexplain ko sa kanila sa harap ng PC.

I realize, maiksi lang nga talaga ang buhay ng tao. whether you like or not, we are trapped in a temporary and degenerating physique. Only little knows the secret of life and poor to those who haven’t and to those who does not appreciate the knowledge of it. In some ways, I am aware, na papaano kung mawala na lang bigla yung mga taong mahal ko? Ready na ba ko? In my mind, i keep telling myself that I’m ready when it happens, kaya lang, who knows? Some say its easier said than done.

May isang lugar na namimiss ko kapag araw ng Sabado. Sabi ng on-line countdown ko, 490 hours : 21 minutes at 13 seconds na lang at makakapunta na ako dun, hopefully. 

“Today is a gift, that’s why it is called the Present”

Ito ang sagot sa traffic at nagmamahal na gasolina kaya naman gusto ko nito. Aside from being cool at madaling i-park lalo na kapag male-late ka na sa work, it sure is a super gas-saver. 1st one I’ve seen was in Japan way back in ‘06. Now, imaginin mo na ganito ang ginamit nila sa Tokyo Drift movie? panalo.ü

The SM Corvette

The SM Audi

The SM Lamborghini

The SM Porsche

The SM Porsche Targa

And last but not the least…

The SM Ferrari

Journal deleted. baket? kasi napaka-drama. at natatawa ako ng nabasa ko ulet.

bawal ang drama. :p

at ito ang background music ko habang nag-eemote. oo, hindi nga tugma sa journal pero panalo kasi peyborit ko to kaya bawal makialam. haha.

Recently i have been inclined into watching movies via streaming. I find it rewarding that you have to wait for the whole film to be downloaded before you could watch it. The difference between pirated DVDs and this? patience. “good things come to those who wait” ika nga.

One of the best film I’ve watched so far is The Other Boleyn Girl, which, not to mention the ever stunning Natalie Portman and power actor Eric Bana, has also a great plot and cinematography (by the way, i didn’t like Scarlet Johanssen that much, but this was a total exception for she played the part so well). Since I have this attachment to every good movie that I watch, it made me kinda interested with England’s history. So, with the help of wikipedia i had my share of research. I find the royalty story very interesting, with what happened to the Boleyn sisters and how did the face of England’s so called religion and the relationship with the catholic church went afterwards.

So far, I now have a list of history movies that I’m going to watch next. Yez, a list of History movies.ü It’s like you’re traveling through time and place while you’re watching, plus the knowledge part, it just rocks.

Salamat sa broadband at sa watch-movies.net

(here’s the official trailer of the other Boleyn girl)

I promised my self not to write anything about myself, or anything negative, or at least, as much as possible, restrain from being too harsh on emotions, magnify it by writing, and making it look like the only thing that matter. I could do that. At least in my journal where everyone else can see. But somehow, that would create a facade of dishonesty.  Yes, I would like to manifest something positive, something light, happy and inspiring, but the right way of doing it is if it comes from within, not a face-off hypocrisy..

Pain. A feeling we get when we’re hurting. Caused  by somebody else’s wrong doing done to you, directly or indirectly, intentional or not. It’s a feeling caused by inevitable mishaps we get from experiences and circumstances, and mostly, caused by non other than ourselves. When we’ve hurt somebody or made a wrong decision, said or did something awful, we feel pain. It is something negative that teaches us. Nobody wants to feel pain voluntarily, we just accept that its gonna happen, then we learn to embrace it, sometimes with our eyes closed tightly and our fist gripped hard.

Yet, dealing with pain shouldn’t be taken against somebody else. Most of the time, there is a tendency of blaming others for our own tragic story. More so, handling such emotion is something we shouldn’t feel awful about, instead, we should learn from it, learning how to maneuver all the angst and anger into an atmosphere of calm and humble acceptance, of Love.  I’ve learn that once we learn to face pain properly, it’ll give you peace, otherwise, no matter how hard you try to hide it, even keep telling yourself that everything’s ok, as long as you keep holding to the past blaming it to someone else who might just be an accessory for you to realize your fault, you’ll end up losing your own battle because of your pride and the unwillingness to dig deeper why in the first place you were hurting so bad.

Pain comes and go. Although it may seem endless when you’re at the lowest point, there’s always a silver lining in every cloud, so as they say. Seeing the beauty of pain is something not everyone could apprehend. If you do, then you’re lucky, just like I am.

With all these being said, I’m fortunately ending my journal with a feeling of happiness. Not the happiness I force myself to feel so I could tell the world I can manage, but the happiness i feel when my sister cheerfully tell good stories, the happiness i feel whenever I hear priceless words of wisdom. The same happiness I feel when i simply watch my favorite TV series and seeing my fingers full of dirt-like chocolate, licking them to make sure i don’t miss the last ounce of its delightful taste.ü

Thanks be to God

I was so excited to go home earlier this morning right after work. Looking forward to use my computer as if i didn’t spend the rest of my night in front of one at the office. I’m so thrilled using my new flat screen LCD. The validity of the “my” part, though, didn’t matter. it was just borrowed.  It might be silly to think but it gives me enthusiasm in doing my researches. cool.ü

One of my officemate shared some thoughts about our job. Apparently, he seems to be fed up not just with our company or our line of work but with the “employee” connotation per se. Quite fair enough to him because he’s been in the company for quite a while already. Weird thing is, i share the same notion. He shared ideas of his (and her wife’s) plan of putting up a business. Then i realize, im not getting any young. talking to somebody with real life topic and financial issues is far from college fair aftermath chit-chats. Just like getting more interested with news and current events than being updated with chick flick movies and minding not to miss a TV series (Smallville is an exception ok?!ü). Time flies so fast.

Last night’s shift was one of the placid one I’ve ever had. Our American clients were less complicated, maybe because they didn’t want to add up to the dilemma that US is now facing, with Gustav and all the election conflicts.

I was never interested in Rubik’s Cube. Solving the enveloped complication was never that appealing to me. not until last night. When I woke up late for work, (as always, almost.) i realized i fell asleep trying to solve its complexity, of which i did not suceed. I wonder what was Rubik thinking when he tried to solve his own invention (stating the obvious, Rubik is the Hungarian architect who invented this mechanical puzzle). In the event of unravelling the cube, it reminded me the parallelism it has with life. Though complicated, it’s full of colors